A short story for my brother, Caleb

You forgot your mountain, Caleb... You left it, for a handful of shiny pebbles.
Shiny, worthless pebbles, filled with flare and glimmer,
Not knowing that the high dry mountain you left was filled with treasures untold.

You were high on your mountain-top, bearing the burdens of life,
When one day a dark man arrived at your door.
He spoke of treasures untold in a land far away,
Then he opened his hand, and captured your gaze,
And led you astray.

So you left your mountain, Caleb.
Your mountain was dry and unglamorous,
Simple and tall. But it was your inheritance, and you had no idea.
But you were sick of the storms that would come,
And oh! How they would rage!
They'd come and go, wearing on you, attacking your foundation.
But as long as you stayed high on your mountain, you were firmly planted, and unshaken.

But the storms, they eventually overcame you.
They filled you with terror,
So you left your mountain, Caleb.
You decided the mountain wasn't worth it,
Nothing but a clump of dirt.
And you went after shiny pebbles in the dark.

So you went down the winding path, and left the threshold of your prize,
And sought after myth and mystery.
But That dangerous path only leads to disease and death.
But you wouldn't stop. You wouldn't turn around. You wouldn't head the words of your friends.
"The pain and sorrow, they can't be as bad as those storms", you would say.
And you pressed on, pressed further.

But, Caleb, you didn't know, you wouldn't stop, and though you found comrades who would agree,
They are all as blind as you.
So forward, you marched, with your merry little band.
Into abyss. Into darkness.

But you have one more pass ahead of you, Caleb.
One more fork in the road.
You're so far from home.
So far from your mountaintop.
But ahead there's one more chance for you to leave this dangerous journey to death.

Caleb, remember your mountain.
Remember your home.
If you pursue this wreckless dream, all that lies ahead is worse than any of the storms you've encountered.
You'll fall into the dark man's territory, and forever be lost.
Lost in his grip of endless lust, endless wrecklessness, endless death.
And for what? A handful of shiny pebbles?
Turn, and look, gaze back. If you look past the haze, past the darkness, you can still see it.
There it is, Caleb. Your mountain-top. Waiting for you. Your foundation. Your gateway.

See, you never knew, Caleb.
You never knew that the mountain of granate you lived on,
Was full of diamonds and gold.
It's your inheritance, Caleb.
You left it for nothing. The storms were your trials, but they were proving you, building you, preparing you.
But you left it for nothing.
Nothing, but dust and ashes.

Return, Caleb, claim your ground.
Take back what you fought so hard for, and gave away so easily.
Don't let the darkness win.
Fight every battle, make your stand,
Return to your mountain, or perish forever.

The Blog I Never Did Make

As I sit here on this fine evening, in a coffee shop, on a laptop (I rarely get to do this these days), I have been in my very first relationship for 82 days, exactly. It's really been quite amazing, and to be honest I meant to blog on this about 80 days ago—I just have been so incredibly busy that I haven't been able to put anything substantial down on a piece of digital paper yet. Anyway, I kind-of want to just back up here and share what the Lord has been doing in my heart leading up to this relationship.

Approximately 3 and three-quarters years ago, I moved to Kansas City. I was pretty broken when I moved there, and really needed God to do some serious heart-surgery on me—which He did. After I got there, I really just wanted to abandon myself to Him completely. So, being a fresh new IHOP'er, I made a commitment to the Lord and took a Nazarite vow for one year. My commitment was, "Lord, I give you permission to make me wait until You think I'm ready for a relationship, not when I think I'm ready." And that was that. And so, I grew my hair out long, and had kept it long ever since (even three years later). I, however, didn't honor that commitment. I pretty much ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to find the girl of my dreams. I searched and searched for her, pursuing left and right. Fortunately for me, God did uphold His end of the deal. He consistently frustrated all of my plans. Every time I was interested in a girl, I never had peace about it, but I would just try and pursue it anyway. I got my head so wrapped up in finding the right girl, that it became more important than just serving and trusting God.

Well, God took me through quite a few dry and barren seasons, because He very clearly wanted to absolutely wreck this thing out of me entirely. I went through some very lonely, dark seasons of just me and the Lord, being completely dry and abandoned to Him. I kind-of realized through the whole process that God really just wanted me to kill my dreams, or be willing to kill them, to serve Him, because He was and is more important. And then after they were dead, He just gave me everything I ever wanted on a silver platter! God's love is ridiculous.

Anyway, right at the end of 2010, I had been living here in Pennsylvania now for about 6 months, and I had organized a trip to go to Kansas City for onething2010. I was really very happy that everyone was able to make it out to Kansas City, and it was such a great trip—but my time there at the conference was actually pretty miserable. I just kind of went from session to session just really upset over the entire year, wondering why God had me move to Pennsylvania, what I was doing, where my life was going, etc. It all culminated at the end of the very last night of the conference, right at midnight. I remember just standing there in the back, while everyone was getting blasted by the Holy Spirit and serenaded in worship music I was all-too-used to. I was just there, pleading with the Lord, "I need vision for 2011. I hated 2010, I felt like I've accomplished nothing. Where were You, God? What did I accomplish? Why am I in Pennsylvania? What am I doing?" Question after question just kept pouring forth, until finally, right at midnight, I got a response. God said, so clearly to me, "Forget about 2010, Jarrod. Get ready for 2011. I'm about to take you on a great adventure." And that was it. Now, I'm going to be honest with you, I wasn't entirely excited about this response (at least, not as much as I should have been). I kind-of left with that just wondering, "why did He say adventure? What does that even mean?" I began pondering it, as I returned to Pennsylvania and normal life and work resumed. I eventually settled on the fact that by adventure, God meant I was going to finally leave Lancaster and go somewhere important or fun or something, or send me out on the missions field, so I got a little excited about that (no offense to Lancaster—I actually like it here, I just definitely didn't at the time).

At any rate, it didn't matter what I thought. I assumed I would be leaving somewhere around March (I initially didn't see myself here past spring time when I moved to PA), but finally I settled in my heart that God would probably have me be staying here for most of the summer. In February, however, I had my near-fatal car accident when I flipped my entire van over and fractured my lower back (that wasn't fun). It put me out of commission and out of work for quite some time. The enemy very clearly was using this to try and wipe me out completely, but God is ridiculously faithful, and turned it around to give me the desires of my heart, because about two weeks later, I started dating the girl of my dreams.

I'd known Kendra since I first moved here about a year ago (May 28th, 2010), but I had never really taken notice of her. I only ever really hung out with her in groups, since she was in the same circle of friends as me, and she isn't real talkative in groups, so I hadn't really ever gotten to know her that much. I do remember a couple of occasions where we talked here and there and got to know each other a little bit, but for some reason there was a veil there, because it never even occurred to me that I should consider her. Right around the time of the accident is when I actually started rolling it around in my head. She really was a pretty cool girl, I just didn't really know her that well. In the weeks leading up to the car accident, I had about 5 different people randomly mention her to me, and what I thought about that. But I just kept thinking and not really acting on it.

See, I'm a very stubborn person in reality, and any of the 40-or-so guys I've roomed with in the past 4 years will probably tell you that (and more). And the real trouble was, I always seemed to attract myself to girls that were like me. I'm creative, extroverted, impulsive, and completely irresponsible. So, naturally I think you can assume that if I paired up with someone like myself, it would be a guaranteed disaster. Anyway, I say that just to reiterate that I didn't really expect what was happening to me when it happened. Kendra is more introverted in some respects, logistical, and extremely responsible - so it just never occurred to me. Now, obviously, afterwards I'm seeing how wonderfully we compliment each other in each of these regards. It really balances us out.

So, after the accident, I was a helpless old man – or at least, that's how I felt. I was vehicleless, and had to run errands, so I was bumming rides off of anyone I could to get to doctor appointments, physical therapists, etc. Kendra was very gracious and helped me out a few times with rides. And you know, you can't ride in a car with someone and not talk to them at least a little bit. So, we talked here and there, and talked some more, and finally I decided to act upon my interests. The third time she helped me out, I had to go to Panera to pick up my last check there, and we happened to be going right around lunch time. So, I did what any respectable gentlemen should do: I made her let me buy her lunch, and proceeded to drill her with questions to see whether or not we were compatible. After having our little lunch, I decided that we were indeed compatible. So that Friday, I asked her out to coffee, and asked her some more questions (oh, by the way, I finally cut my long locks of hair off the day after Panera - 3 and a half years after my consecration). By the next week, the rumor mills were already up and running full speed, and we were together by Thursday (most of you know the details of this story, so I won't go fully into it all here). And the rest is history!

I have been happily with Kendra, going on three months now, and it has been the most wonderful season of my life. God has just shown me how absolutely faithful He is to the core. He has been completely blowing our minds with the amount of confirmation He's given us, and it's been so surreal. It's just so exciting.

So anyways, there you have it. I just wanted to write something, so I wrote until my thoughts ran out. I don't care if you read this or not, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it, or I hope it inspires you, or I hope it gives you hope. God is faithful to complete what He set out to do, and though you may be in that dry and barren desert season – trust me, it's worth it. Because those seasons are rare, and they are the seasons that you get closest to Jesus, and realize what a good papa God is. He loves His children, and He will not give you a rock when you ask for a fish. He might, however, realize that you aren't quite ready for the fish yet, and withhold it until you're really ready for it. In the mean time, get hungry for God. Because even the fish won't satisfy you if you're not already satisfied in Him. :)

4:46AM

So I awoke this morning at an irregular time, and that doesn't happen that often. When I looked at the clock, it was 4:46, and when I looked at the other clock, it was 4:48. I felt God leading me to Isaiah 44:6-8, and God spoke something clear to me through it:

'Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the Lord of Hosts: "I am the First and the Last; besides me there is no other god. Who is like Me? Let him proclaim it. Let him declare and set it before me, since I appointed an ancient people. Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen. Fear not, nor be afraid; have I not told you from old and declared it? And you are my witnesses! Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any."

The fear of the Lord rested on me as I read this, and then just a sense of so much peace. In all the swirl of world politics and things going on across the nation and world right now, it's so easy to get caught up in the fear of it all. So quickly are we to turn to worldly things for our aid, or to come up with our own ways of protection in the coming storms. Yet God so clearly wants us to simply just rely on Him, and Him alone. He is God, He is our Redeemer from old. He saw the end from the beginning, and He set in motion everything that's going on.

Why? So that He can bring many sons to glory. At the end of it all, God wins. Sure, there are going to be some trials along the way, and our normal American life is about to be absolutely shattered in a way that will really grip and destroy people's mindsets of materialism and western lifestyles. We as a people have lived like kings for too many days, consuming and consuming, enjoying the luxuries and lifestyles that only royalty once enjoyed, and yet we take none of the kingly responsibilities that come with it! We sit on our thrones and watch the world around us and say "no big deal", and let it all pass us by. Well, God is coming in all His glory. And at His coming there will be repentance, joy, a returning to Him, and an awakening of His people. That day approaches nearer and nearer each day, and each day my heart is becoming more alert and aware. Don't you just get that feeling like "time is running out"?

We as a Christian people need to return to the Lord, repent of our laziness and apathy, and take up our swords once again. It's time to take a stand, a radical stand, for God. Right now we enjoy the ability to serve Him in the midst of our luxurious lifestyles, but that day is soon ending, and His true people are about to be revealed. What will it mean when you have to choose between God and very basic necessities like food and water (this is beyond even just choosing God and your every day lifestyles - this is life itself)? Are you prepared to make that sacrifice? Are you prepared to really, actually die for what you believe? Or are you just on that western train of "prosperity and a better life" that so many people proclaim from today's pulpits?

It's time we take a stand, clean ourselves, anoint ourselves with oil, and get rid of our comfortable lifestyles. We were a people made for His glory, and we're coming to a climax where we're going to have to make some very tough choices... And yet, the beauty of it all is I have this undeniable burning deep inside of me that says, "I was made for this." People get ready. Amen.

Strong Love... Yeah.

Often we forget about the love of Christ. Sure, we sing about it at church, and we can intellectualize it to be true in our minds, and some of us even grasp it—but not fully understand it.

But we forget about it. We shrug it off by lunch time and go on with life as usual. And then when situations, problems and the like arise, we don't reflect on His love; we just ask Him for help. We don't remember His promises; we just plead our case as if we have to convince Him of something or some reason why we should be defended or why we shouldn't be suffering this incident or why so-and-so makes so much more money than us or why I'm stuck in this circumstance when he or she has the easy life!

What if instead of pleading with God as a taskmaster or a judge or an intermediator, we realized that He actually loves us? So often we drone through life as a slave, when God wants us to realize that we are in-fact, sons and heirs. We think that; if just maybe we can get God's attention, and then pour our situation over Him and explain it to Him, that just maybe He'll plead our case. But we—I, tend to think that I don't deserve it. Well guess what? I'm right. I don't deserve it—but there's more. He loves me. And He wants to bless me—not because I deserve it, but because He wants to. He will plead my case for me because I am His son, and I've been adopted in to His kingdom. But an adopted son has just as much right as any other son! I have, therefore, direct access to my Father's kingdom—His assets, His finances, His dwelling, His rest—I have it all. And yet day after day I disqualify myself and sleep in a dumpster out in the slums while my comfortable, kingly bed sits vacant, gathering dust. It's time to stand on the promises of His word.

Romans 8:38-39 provides us with such a crystal clear promise:

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God's love empowers us. It stands strong in the midst of every faltering thing. I am not defined by my employment, nor by the wages I make. My identity isn't found in my surroundings, or bad circumstances currently affecting me. My resolve is not made weak by financial debt, oppression from the enemy, or false accusations from those around me. It surpasses my weak understanding, surrounds me with joy and peace. My identity, my definition, who I am, is grounded in Him.

And with that reality fully recognized, the fact that there's nothing God can't do becomes "personalized", and suddenly takes on new meaning. Now, there's nothing God can't do in my life. He loves me, and He wants to bless me; and because of the covenant He made with me—that I made with Him, He has sworn to me that He will watch over me, protect me, provide for me financially, direct me spiritually, and be my source and my all.

Everything I have is His, and by divine exchange, everything He has is now mine. What else do I need to worry about? Nothing.

Weakness

My first blog of 2011... And my first in quite awhile, at that. At any rate, this one is titled "Weakness", and that's what it's about.

So often (in fact, so very often that it's completely normal), we disqualify ourselves completely from doing anything in the Lord due to ridiculous circumstances. Call it what you want, whether it was because you were caught up in some sin, or people don't understand you, or you don't want to get in anyone's way, or maybe you think you just don't know enough, or maybe you just feel absolutely useless—at the end of the day, the only thing standing between you and God using you is, well, you.

I know myself more than anybody (except God), and therefore, knowing all of my weaknesses, all of my depravity, and every wicked thing inside, I disqualify myself consistently. It has come to my attention though, that whenever I feel I am in my weakest state, God is able to use me most potently.

But how is that possible?

Weak Jarrod + The Realization of That + Still allowing God to Move through Me Anyway = The Power of God reaching into People's Lives.

An interesting equation. And yet, it's true. When I'm weak, realizing how useless I am on my own, but still allowing God to flow through me, that's when I feel Him using me the most. Pride is extinguished almost immediately, allowing God direct access to use me as a vessel and a vassal for His power and glory, and then people are touched through me—it's an amazing combination!

We as the people of God need to come to the full realization of that. If you only knew how many worship leaders out there just came onto the stage having dealt with fights with roommates, spouses, situations going on, feeling useless, weak and utterly defenseless—and yet, they have one of the best worship or intercession sets they've ever experienced! It's because they have found this combination out. It's like, hitting that button combo on your PS2 controller to get the perfect kill move on Tekken 5. Okay, that's a poor example (unless you used to be a gamer like me). You suddenly have been moved to a place of absolute abandonment, where God is free to flow through your weakness with His power, and you're able to minister freely in that place.

I'm not posting this blog as if to say "stay in sin, stay in weakness, because God will use you more"—I'm posting this to say, that in your weakness God can still use you, and wants to use you more than ever. Don't ever disqualify yourself. If God were ever going to give up on you, trust me - He wouldn't have died for you in the first place. The opposite is true. He wants you, He loves you, and He chose you. So let Him use you, in every circumstance.