As I sit here on this fine evening, in a coffee shop, on a laptop (I rarely get to do this these days), I have been in my very first relationship for 82 days, exactly. It's really been quite amazing, and to be honest I meant to blog on this about 80 days ago—I just have been so incredibly busy that I haven't been able to put anything substantial down on a piece of digital paper yet. Anyway, I kind-of want to just back up here and share what the Lord has been doing in my heart leading up to this relationship.
Approximately 3 and three-quarters years ago, I moved to Kansas City. I was pretty broken when I moved there, and really needed God to do some serious heart-surgery on me—which He did. After I got there, I really just wanted to abandon myself to Him completely. So, being a fresh new IHOP'er, I made a commitment to the Lord and took a Nazarite vow for one year. My commitment was, "Lord, I give you permission to make me wait until You think I'm ready for a relationship, not when I think I'm ready." And that was that. And so, I grew my hair out long, and had kept it long ever since (even three years later). I, however, didn't honor that commitment. I pretty much ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to find the girl of my dreams. I searched and searched for her, pursuing left and right. Fortunately for me, God did uphold His end of the deal. He consistently frustrated all of my plans. Every time I was interested in a girl, I never had peace about it, but I would just try and pursue it anyway. I got my head so wrapped up in finding the right girl, that it became more important than just serving and trusting God.
Well, God took me through quite a few dry and barren seasons, because He very clearly wanted to absolutely wreck this thing out of me entirely. I went through some very lonely, dark seasons of just me and the Lord, being completely dry and abandoned to Him. I kind-of realized through the whole process that God really just wanted me to kill my dreams, or be willing to kill them, to serve Him, because He was and is more important. And then after they were dead, He just gave me everything I ever wanted on a silver platter! God's love is ridiculous.
Anyway, right at the end of 2010, I had been living here in Pennsylvania now for about 6 months, and I had organized a trip to go to Kansas City for onething2010. I was really very happy that everyone was able to make it out to Kansas City, and it was such a great trip—but my time there at the conference was actually pretty miserable. I just kind of went from session to session just really upset over the entire year, wondering why God had me move to Pennsylvania, what I was doing, where my life was going, etc. It all culminated at the end of the very last night of the conference, right at midnight. I remember just standing there in the back, while everyone was getting blasted by the Holy Spirit and serenaded in worship music I was all-too-used to. I was just there, pleading with the Lord, "I need vision for 2011. I hated 2010, I felt like I've accomplished nothing. Where were You, God? What did I accomplish? Why am I in Pennsylvania? What am I doing?" Question after question just kept pouring forth, until finally, right at midnight, I got a response. God said, so clearly to me, "Forget about 2010, Jarrod. Get ready for 2011. I'm about to take you on a great adventure." And that was it. Now, I'm going to be honest with you, I wasn't entirely excited about this response (at least, not as much as I should have been). I kind-of left with that just wondering, "why did He say adventure? What does that even mean?" I began pondering it, as I returned to Pennsylvania and normal life and work resumed. I eventually settled on the fact that by adventure, God meant I was going to finally leave Lancaster and go somewhere important or fun or something, or send me out on the missions field, so I got a little excited about that (no offense to Lancaster—I actually like it here, I just definitely didn't at the time).
At any rate, it didn't matter what I thought. I assumed I would be leaving somewhere around March (I initially didn't see myself here past spring time when I moved to PA), but finally I settled in my heart that God would probably have me be staying here for most of the summer. In February, however, I had my near-fatal car accident when I flipped my entire van over and fractured my lower back (that wasn't fun). It put me out of commission and out of work for quite some time. The enemy very clearly was using this to try and wipe me out completely, but God is ridiculously faithful, and turned it around to give me the desires of my heart, because about two weeks later, I started dating the girl of my dreams.
I'd known Kendra since I first moved here about a year ago (May 28th, 2010), but I had never really taken notice of her. I only ever really hung out with her in groups, since she was in the same circle of friends as me, and she isn't real talkative in groups, so I hadn't really ever gotten to know her that much. I do remember a couple of occasions where we talked here and there and got to know each other a little bit, but for some reason there was a veil there, because it never even occurred to me that I should consider her. Right around the time of the accident is when I actually started rolling it around in my head. She really was a pretty cool girl, I just didn't really know her that well. In the weeks leading up to the car accident, I had about 5 different people randomly mention her to me, and what I thought about that. But I just kept thinking and not really acting on it.
See, I'm a very stubborn person in reality, and any of the 40-or-so guys I've roomed with in the past 4 years will probably tell you that (and more). And the real trouble was, I always seemed to attract myself to girls that were like me. I'm creative, extroverted, impulsive, and completely irresponsible. So, naturally I think you can assume that if I paired up with someone like myself, it would be a guaranteed disaster. Anyway, I say that just to reiterate that I didn't really expect what was happening to me when it happened. Kendra is more introverted in some respects, logistical, and extremely responsible - so it just never occurred to me. Now, obviously, afterwards I'm seeing how wonderfully we compliment each other in each of these regards. It really balances us out.
So, after the accident, I was a helpless old man – or at least, that's how I felt. I was vehicleless, and had to run errands, so I was bumming rides off of anyone I could to get to doctor appointments, physical therapists, etc. Kendra was very gracious and helped me out a few times with rides. And you know, you can't ride in a car with someone and not talk to them at least a little bit. So, we talked here and there, and talked some more, and finally I decided to act upon my interests. The third time she helped me out, I had to go to Panera to pick up my last check there, and we happened to be going right around lunch time. So, I did what any respectable gentlemen should do: I made her let me buy her lunch, and proceeded to drill her with questions to see whether or not we were compatible. After having our little lunch, I decided that we were indeed compatible. So that Friday, I asked her out to coffee, and asked her some more questions (oh, by the way, I finally cut my long locks of hair off the day after Panera - 3 and a half years after my consecration). By the next week, the rumor mills were already up and running full speed, and we were together by Thursday (most of you know the details of this story, so I won't go fully into it all here). And the rest is history!
I have been happily with Kendra, going on three months now, and it has been the most wonderful season of my life. God has just shown me how absolutely faithful He is to the core. He has been completely blowing our minds with the amount of confirmation He's given us, and it's been so surreal. It's just so exciting.
So anyways, there you have it. I just wanted to write something, so I wrote until my thoughts ran out. I don't care if you read this or not, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it, or I hope it inspires you, or I hope it gives you hope. God is faithful to complete what He set out to do, and though you may be in that dry and barren desert season – trust me, it's worth it. Because those seasons are rare, and they are the seasons that you get closest to Jesus, and realize what a good papa God is. He loves His children, and He will not give you a rock when you ask for a fish. He might, however, realize that you aren't quite ready for the fish yet, and withhold it until you're really ready for it. In the mean time, get hungry for God. Because even the fish won't satisfy you if you're not already satisfied in Him. :)
