Not Single Anymore

Recently, a number of my friends down here started dating / courting and growing in relationships. At first I was happy for them. Then I was disgusted and sick of them. All the holding hands and being close and loving on each other and giving to each other, I was so jealous! God knew my heart, and He knew what my desires were, yet I was seeing it fulfilled in other peoples' lives, not my own! I got angry and sad and miserable. Not to mention, besides all of that, I was way behind on my homework, and my stress level was about as high as it could go. I couldn't even enter in to the presence of God while sitting in the prayer room - I was either thinking about relationships or homework, and couldn't focus on anything.

This past week I had a huge breakthrough of God as the bridegroom. In one of our many Holy-Spirit filled nights at my friend's house, God called me away to a quiet room of the house, where I found myself in a new area of God's mercy and love. I cried out to God, asking for Him to change my desires, to change my heart and let it focus on Him. I found myself literally groaning in the Spirit, in a new level of intimacy with Christ. I knew that God knew what I truly wanted, but in order for me to focus on Him right now, He had to go in and do some open heart surgery, and change many things around. I had to ask forgiveness in upholding a future relationship with someone here on earth over the relationship I had with Christ my bridegroom and savior. He knows that I long to be a father one day with beautiful little daughters that I can pour out my love on as He pours out His fatherly love on me. He knows that one day I long to be in marriage to a beautiful bride to portray how I am to be married to Him and pour my love out on her as He does on me. However, right now I've finally realized, He wants me to fully grasp and fully take hold of both the father-hood love He gives me, and the bridegroom reality of love that He gives me. I've taken that so much for granted, or haven't even fully realized it, and I know now He wants me to grow deeper in that and fully grasp it before He grants me the desires of my heart. Until then, my desires have been changed, and I long for my Father and my Bride, my God and my Savior, Jesus Christ. So that's right, I'm no longer single anymore, I'm going out with Jesus, and not worrying about the things of this world. God might be calling me for five years, ten years, even the rest of my life, and I have to trust in Him that He will be my provider, and He will take care of me.

In other news, I'm in my last week of class, our semester ends this Friday the 7th. I've been stressing over homework the past couple weeks, cramming to get everything in on time. I'll be happy to come home for Christmas break and not have to worry about homework, and will enjoy spending some time drinking hot-cocoa, reading some good books, playing guitar, and spending time with Jesus and the family. Bless you all.

~ Jarrod